Board Thread:Lore Texts/@comment-27200931-20170601032527/@comment-27200931-20170602141207

Reddieeddie wrote: Unique and, as a hobbit would say, queer at times, but overall very entertaining and well written. An excellent addition to the mod's compilation of lore texts, IMO.

My one critique concerns the second-last paragraph, which, currently, is written as follows:  Timur Khan opens his arms and throws himself from the balcony's rail. Right under the balcony there is an enormous pile of wine jars, at least that is what his vassals thought, because when the body of Timur falls into the pile of jars, they all instantly brake by the sheer strength of the impact, but instead of wine, what leaks from the jars is a sea of blue flames which, in a blink, swallows the majestic feast hall, and quickly spreads to the countless hallways and rooms of the palace. Other than the first line, this paragraph is all one large sentence, with many commas. It may be better to break it up into 2 or 3 sentences, like this:  Timur Khan opens his arms and throws himself from the balcony's rail. Right under the balcony there is an enormous pile of wine jars, or so his vassals thought. For when the body of Timur falls into the pile of jars, they all instantly shatter from the sheer strength of the impact. However, what leaks from the jars is not wine, but a sea of blue flames which, in a blink, swallows the majestic feast hall, and quickly spreads to the countless hallways and rooms of the palace. This is just my take though, Mevans may disagree. Once again, excellent work! Thank you very much! Mevans, if you're reading this, could you apply Reddieeddie's changes?