User blog:Recneps/How the Cringe Stole Mememas

Every Meme down in Reddit Liked Mememas a lot...

But the Cringe, who lived just South of Reddit, Did NOT!

The Cringe hated Mememas! The whole Mememas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be his monitor wasn't plugged in just right.

It could be, perhaps, that his eyes were too bad.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

May have been that his internet was two packages too cheap.

Whatever the reason, his wi-fi or his eyes,

He stood there on Mememas Buffering, hating the Memes,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Cringey frown,

At the fast efficient Linux below in their town.

For he knew every Meme up in Reddit above,

Was busy now, posting a very edgy gif.

"And they're updating their statuses!" he snarled with a sneer,

"Tomorrow is Mememas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Cringe fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find some way to stop Mememas from coming!"

For tomorrow, he knew, all the Meme girls and boys,

Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their phones!

And then! Oh, the danks! Oh, the danks!

Danks! Danks! Danks!

That's one thing he hated! THE DANKS!

DANKS! DANKS! DANKS!

Then the Memes, fresh and stale, would sit down to a charging.

And they'd charge! And they'd charge! And they'd CHARGE!

CHARGE! CHARGE! CHARGE!

They would charge on Micro-USB, and rare HDMI charging plugs.

Which was something the Cringe couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN They'd do something he liked least of all!

Every Meme up in Reddit, the famous and the rare,

Would stand close together, with Mememas notifications buzzing.

They'd stand livestreaming. And the Memes would start posting!

They'd post! And they'd post! And they'd post!

POST! POST! POST!

And the more the Cringe thought of this Meme Mememas Post,

The more the Cringe thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"

"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"

"I MUST stop this Mememas from coming! But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

THE CRINGE GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Cringe laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Exotic Pepe VPN and a proxy.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Cringey trick!"

"With this proxy and this VPN, I look just like Exotic Pepe!"

"All I need is a TOR browser..." The Cringe looked around.

But, since TOR browsers are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Cringe? No! The Cringe simply said,

"If I can't find a TOR browser, I'll make one instead!"

So he called his default, Internet Explorer. Then he took some note pad,

And he patched a cookie-cleaner on the end of its system tray.

THEN He loaded some drives And some old empty discs,

On a ramshackle tower And he hitched up old Explorer.

Then the Cringe said, "Boot up!" And the tower started up,

Toward the threads where the Memes Lay dormant in their site.

All their Windows were crashed. Blue screens filled the rooms.

All the Memes were all re-captioning old photoes without care.

When he came to the first little post on the thread.

"This is stop number one," the old Cringy Pepe hissed,

And he hacked to the HTML, empty drives in his toolbar.

Then he found the post. A rather slow thing.

But, if Sys.Op could do it, then so could the Cringe.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he saved the post to his drives.

Where the little Meme statuses all saved in a folder.

"These statuses," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every post!

Dat bois! And unicycles! Youtubers! Twitches!

Philosoraptors! Tricycles! Kittens! And Bidens!

And he stuffed them in drives. Then the Cringe, very nimbly,

Stuffed all the drives, one by one, on the floor!

Then he slunk to the archives. He took the Memes' history!

He took the back-story! He took the raw images!

He cleaned out that archive as quick as a flash.

Why, that Cringe even took their first captioning program!

Then he saved all the bytes to his drives with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned the Cringe, "I will delete the post!"

And the Cringe decompiled the post, and he started to click,

When he heard a small sound like the beep of an alarm.

He undid it fast, and he saw a small Meme!

Little Cindy-Dream Meme, who was not more than two.

The Cringe had been caught by this tiny Code monkey,

Who'd got out of bed for a check on the notifications bar.

She stared at the Cringe and said, "Exotic Pepe, why,”

"Why are you taking our Mememas post? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Cringe was so smart and so thick,

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my good sir," the fake Exotic Pepe lied,

"There's a word on this post that's misspelled on one end."

"So I'm taking it home to my Microsoft Word, my man."

"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the moderator. Then he hacked her datastream,

And he cleared her notifications and he cut her connection.

And when CindyDream Meme went to bed with her phone,

HE went to the HTML and deleted the post!

Then the last thing he took Was the history for the thread!

Then he left the HTML, himself, the old liar.

On their walls he left nothing but links and some div tags.

And the one bit of battery That he left in the house,

Was a percentage that was even too small for a Brick.

Then He did the same thing To the other Memes' posts

Leaving batteries much too small For the other Memes' Bricks!

It was quarter past dawn... All the Memes, still unseen,

All the Memes, still unread When he packed up his tower,

Packed it up with their posts! The gifs! The videos!

The tags! And the tinder! The tubers! The trojans!

Three thousand files down! Down to the Recycling BIn,

He rode with his load to the bottom to clear it!

"PoohPooh to the Memes!" he was cringily humming.

"They're finding out now that no Mememas is coming!"

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"

"Their browsers will buffer a minute or two,

Then the Memes up in Reddit will all post UNDO!"

"That's a post," grinned the Cringe, "That I simply MUST read!"

So he paused. And the Cringe put his browser to the thread.

And he did see a post rising over the spam.

It started rarely. Then it started to grow.

But the post wasn't sad! Why, this post looked memey!

It couldn't be so! But it WAS memey! VERY!

He stared up at Reddit! The Cringe popped his eyes!

Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Meme up in Reddit, the famous and the rare,

Was singing! Without any updates at all!

He HADN'T stopped Mememas from coming! IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Cringe, with his browser crashing on the screen,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"

"It came with out Youtube! It came without Twitch!"

"It came without Dropbox, drives or discs!"

And he puzzled three hours, till his processor was hot.

Then the Cringe loaded something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Mememas," he thought, "doesn't come from a brain."

"Maybe Mememas...perhaps...means a little bit less!"

And what happened then? Well...in Reddit they say,

That the Cringe's poor internet was upgraded three packages that day!

And the minute his internet wasn't quite so slow,

He whizzed with his drives through the old archives,

And he brought back the posts! And the instructions for the charging!

And he, HE HIMSELF! The Cringe plugged in the HDMI for the video!