Board Thread:Lore Texts/@comment-25939116-20170811052629/@comment-25939116-20170811090131

Thindithron the Great wrote: I think that you should change 'shalt' to 'shall' on the third line, as shalt is only used (and sounds better as) a second person singular term.

Also, I have issues with the rhythm in some places; the last line seems far too long (9 syllables), as well as the third to last, to match the rest of the poem. Or is that how you intended it to be? Okay, I didn't know the "shalt/shall" thing, I've seen Tolkien mainly using shalt so I used it myself. I am not a poet by default xD. I am aware of the fact that the first two lines of the second strophe don't rhyme. I thought it sounded good, that last line and that third to last, plus in my country many of our poets didn't keep too consistent, yet it sounded pretty nice. I am not sure if I "translated" that well into english, since they're pretty different lanugages too. Hope it works anyways, and perhaps you can think of it as a Harad thing, since we don't actually know how they write their songs or poems.