My first time trying to write like an Orc would. How did I do?
# Written by Dragonovith #title:Urbul's Guide to Slashing and Smashing #author:Captain Urbul of Durthang #types:mordor,dol_guldur # Every day new maggots are sent to serve ol' Urbul, but nearly none of 'em scum know how properly stick a blade on someone else's gut. Grr! I'll tell you, they may look like a pack of tough lads, but they're no better than a stinking Warg; all muscles and no brain, unlike ol' Urbul here. This guide will show you what weapon suits a dirty maggot like you, if you ain't too thick-headed to read. Daggers: These short mean knifes are good for stabbing and nothing else. Put some poison on it and sure your enemy won't stand up again, nay he won't, he's done for. Spears: They're good for throwing and poking your enemy from afar, swift an' all too. The Big Bosses send 'em to us in big numbers every day. Polearms: Slow. Grr! Ay, too slow for Urbul. At least you can poke and pin your enemy before the fellow can you stab or cut you. Swords: Good for slashing open the stinking bowels of a stinking man, if 'is belly ain't protected by metal. Hammers: Ay, very slow, even for the bigger boys. But they're good for mashing heads, even if the fellow is wearing a metal cap. Axes: Not as swift as a sword and neither slow as a hammer. Urbul's strong lads wield them a whole lot while out in the field fighting His' men enemies. Bows: I'm no stinking ground-sniffing Snaga to teach you how to bow-shoot. Ay, go bother someone else about it. What d'you say, eh?