- cracks knuckles* *cracks fingers* *cracks jaw*
you> *crack his spine* *tape him to a seat* put the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings on vocal play loop for 24-48 hours.
Once he has memorized that, switch out LOTR and The Hobbit, replace it with the Silmarillion and the Fall of Gondolin. (and any other book/sequel you believe is important ((ALL OF THEM)))
you>uncrack his back* *untape him* *greet your parents back from their vacation with a small red dot hovering over the back of his head, and if he says a thing, you will force him to watch Teletubbies for 50+ hours straight. Make sure he knows.*