Trolls live the lumpish life.

–J.R.R. Tolkien, probably.

I'm the OneBehindTheHair, known Orc-enthusiast, and Man-flesh connoisseur. I've been here for years now, and I still haven't found the way out. Please send help.

Long as you're here too, here's some stuff to help pass the time.

About Me[edit | edit source]

  • I'm building up my collection of Tolkien books. So far, I have:
    • The Hobbit
    • Lord of the Rings
    • The Silmarillion
    • Beren and Lúthien
    • Fall of Gondolin
    • The Adventures of Tom Bombadil
    • Tales from the Perilous Realm
    • Unfinished Tales
    • The Children of Húrin
    • HoME, volumes 1-5 (currently unread)
    • Sadly, I've also got a small collection of David Day's books. Let's speak no more of them.
  • I like to draw, mostly LotR characters. I post some of my better stuff on the mod's discord from time to time.
  • I also like making textures and builds occasionally.
  • I've been all the way to Meneltarma.
  • My favorite race of Middle-earth is, rather obviously, the Orcs. I spend way too much time thinking up stories and ideas about them. Ask me about my headcanons for Legolas, I'll tell you he's blond. Ask me about my headcanons for Lugdush, the Isengarder whose name only comes up twice, and I'll go on for ages.
  • I also spend a lot of time thinking about other evil characters, especially the Balrogs. They rank pretty highly on my favorite races, but my vision of them is totally different from basically every other portrayal of them.
  • I can't really choose a favorite character, my interests tend to shift every week or so. I lean towards evil characters pretty consistently, but even that can vary.
  • I get quite annoying when it comes to lore-accuracy. Apologies in advance.

Mod Favorites[edit | edit source]

  • Faction: Mordor
  • Mob: Half-troll, or Hill-troll
  • Armour: Mordor
  • Weapon: Black Uruk Warhammer, Glamdring
  • Biome: Trollshaws
  • Sound: The Orc Bombardier's "Ghâsh!" And the Troll grunt.
  • Man-flesh: Food
  • Unimplemented Mob: The Balrogs we have are pretty cool for what they are, though I'd much rather

Orc Facts[edit | edit source]

I like to think I know a lot about Orcs, so here's some stuff about them. I'm always happy to answer more questions about Orcs, and even other lore-stuff, so feel free to ask if you're curious about something.

  • Orcs are good smiths. It's pretty common to think that Orcs are terrible smiths, whose equipment consists of things as simple as rocks tied to the end of bones. However, we're told in The Hobbit that they're actually quite clever. They make plenty of weapons and instruments of torture, they're fairly advanced with mechanics compared to other races, and they can even mine as well as any but the best Dwarves.
  • Orcs and Goblins are the same thing. This is a very common mistake. Goblins aren't specifically smaller, weaker variants who live in the mountains. "Goblin" is simply the English name for "orc". The Orcs of the Misties are typically smaller than their cousins elsewhere, but they're still Orcs. The Isengarders are introduced as Goblin-soldiers, and are consistently referred to as goblins, and so are the Orcs of Moria and Mordor (which is actually the faction with the most uses of the term "goblin"). The terms are completely synonymous.
  • Orcs may not have come from Elves. Orcs coming from Elves was an old idea that Tolkien abandoned. It's in the published Silmarillion, but Tolkien didn't publish the Silmarillion. His son had to create the most consistent narrative, and the Elven origin was the easiest to work with. Tolkien's other ideas he chose over Orcs-from-Elves included them coming from Men, being bred from corrupted Maiar, them being soulless automatons, and a mixed origin. It's a tricky subject.
  • Orcs aren't immortal. I think this one's mostly a misconception because of how popular Orcs-from-Elves is. Whatever their origin, they don't live forever. They're even short-lived to the "Men of higher race, such as the Edain". There did seem to be a few Orc-chieftains who lived much longer than their lesser brethren, but these have actually been Maiar in Orc-form.
  • Elves only take prisoners for "amusement", or to eat. At least, this was what the Orcs were taught to believe. In another case, Shagrat thinks leaving an ally to die is a regular Elvish trick. There's some classic Orc-hypocrisy here, though; the Orcs themselves would eat their prisoners in need, for example. We know how the Orcs pleasure in cruelty towards captives. Moments after deriding Elves for their faithlessness, Shagrat talks about a time when he left a fellow Orc, Ufthak, to Shelob's mercy. "How we laughed!"
  • Orcs, like General Grievous, are shorter than you expected. A huge Orc-chieftain is only nearly Man-height. Frodo and Sam are able to disguise themselves as Orcs in Mordor without height being an issue. Gimli finds the Dunlendings too tall for him, but has no problem cleaving Uruk-throats. It's very unlikely there were any Orcs that would ever come anywhere close to Azog's height in the movies.
  • There are female Orcs, and Orcs breed like any other race. There's nothing like the slime pits in the films, outside of very early drafts of the Fall of Gondolin. Orcs aren't cloned, they don't grow from spores, they aren't planted like potatoes. They also aren't all captured Elves, if any of them ever were: whatever they were originally bred from, it probably only lasted for the first generation.
  • Typically, Orcs favoured scimitars in battle. They also used other weapons of course, but the scimitar seems to be their most popular choice. That said, the Isengarders were noted for using "short, broad-bladed swords," and gear taken from the dead Orcs in the Tower of Cirith Ungol included a "broad-bladed stabbing sword." For ranged weapons, Orcs are mentioned using bows made of horn several times, although the Isengarders used long bows made from yew, like Men.
  • Sauron bred Uruk-hai long before Saruman. In T.A. 2475, Sauron's forces, including the new breed of Uruks, sieged and took Osgiliath. Contrast this with Saruman's Orcs, who he only began breeding in T.A. 2990. Now, while there do seem to be some differences between the breeds in Mordor and in Isengard - Saruman's Uruks were larger and stronger, for instance - the terms "Uruks" and "Uruk-hai" are as synonymous as "Goblins" and "Orcs". "Uruk-hai" is a Black Speech term, roughly meaning "Uruk (a larger, stronger Orc warrior)-folk", while "Uruks" is simply the anglicized form.
  • Orcs aren't completely cannibalistic. The Isengarders take an accusation of cannibalism as a huge insult, killing at least three other Orcs before being calmed down. On the other hand, Shagrat threatens both Gorbag and Snaga with being eaten later on, and licks Gorbag's blood off his knife after driving it into his enemy's throat.
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